Blog o’ Garoo - The Gary Foote empire

Does it?? It better fucking had do.

in my blog and not look fucked up? sent via email. test test

… I thought I’d share with the world that I’ve had a really fucking rubbish day today.  Pretty much everyone has pissed me off at some point today.  To make matters words I just found out my house needs £1000 worth of work doing to it.

Great.

Its nearing midnight and I’m at my parents, staying over tonight because they have one facility that I don’t. Hot water.  On Saturday, I went to turn my shower on and that shit exploded! No really, water started pouring out of the seams of the white shower unit making a right mess as it did so. All  up the fucking walls and on the floor and all sorts. I cleaned up, and took that thing to bits to find the temp regulator unit had a small seal in it which seemed to have broken. No worries I figure, I’ll have a bath instead and call a plumber in the week.  So I went to turn the hot water on and the LCD display that control the heater fizzles out.  Nothing.  I powercycled (what a geek word) the electrics and it still didnt spring to life.  Dead as a doornail.  That pissed me off even more.  So I had a leak, and as I flushed the toilet, water started coming out of the down pipe all over the floor.  Unbelievable!!  My shower, my hot water system and my toilet all failed on the same day! Surely related?  According to the plumber, apparently not!

So a plumber came out today.  My toilet seals are fucked, the element in the hot water tank is fucked and the shower is “beyond repair”.  Great.  No way of washing or having a slash renders the house pretty unuseable really (the beer fridge still works!)

 I actually managed to find a bargain shower in Homebase.  They’re a funny old store really.  As a general rule they’re fucking expensive but today a chrome 10.5KW shower was reduced from £200 to £100, but when they scanned that shit in it came up on the tills as £30.00.  So thats what they charged me!  A mint chrome mega shower for thirty quid.  Lovely.  The downside is the plumber informed me tonight that i might need new wiring as its so powerful, the current wiring can’t cope with it. But either way, a bargain was had.

I’m bored of this post so I’m off to bed. A1GP test at Snet tomorrow, probably in the pissing rain. Great. You havea good day now.

Ingredients:

1 x hacked up pork from reduced counter at Tesco
1 x pot of closed cup mushrooms, also reduced
2 x African bird chillies
1 x deformed courgette that’s going soft
1 x Spicy pasta sauce on buy 1 get one free
1 x load of pasta

Medical warning

This is not suitable to anyone with any illness of any kind, especially weak hearts or stomachs.  African bird chillies are hazardous to human health. Handle with gloves.  Do not place in mouth raw without sick bucket at stand by.

Do not try this at home.

Instructions.

1. Correct Tesco’s shit diced pork pieces by taking the golf ball sized ones and making them smaller. Chuck the small crappy pieces in the bin.  Cut out the weird dark bits that seem to be in some of them.  Ignore best before date, simply sniff pork to make sure its ok.  (Note: If it honks, add some garlic to cover smell).

2. Remove the stalks and peel the shooms. Chop them up into slices. Chuck in a bowl.

3. Chop grotty ends off courgette and cut into slices, then cut those slices into quarters. Chuck them in a bowl as well (not the same one as above though)

4. Chop chillies into slices.  Be sure to use gloves else your fingers will burn (no really they will, these things are lethal).

5.  Fill a saucepan half way with water, put on max heat.

6. Put on some cool tunes to grove along to.

7. Pour some oil in a frying pan, heat that shit up, then chuck in the pork and the chopped up chillies.  Fry away, turning regularly but not too much else loads of bits of pork start flaking off.  Pork is such a crap meat.  Do not attempt to eat pork at this stage, it will hurt.

8. When water is boiling, bung in the pasta and the courgette.  Reduce the heat else that shit boils all over the place.  Open window so it doesn’t get too steamy in there.

9. When meat is just going white, chuck in all the shrooms.  Be careful not to spill them everywhere.  If you drop some on floor, wipe off the grit and chuck in frying pan as well.  Don’t waste food, think of the starving people.

10. Leave everything on hob and chat to girlfriend on MSN.  You will know when to continue by burning smell coming from kitchen.

11. Make sure pasta is cooked by trying some from saucepan on a fork.  Best wait till its cooled slightly on the fork else you burn your mouth, and that shit hurts for days.

12. Scrape the contents of frying pan off the bottom and spoon into the saucepan.  Then pour in a tin of pasta sauce.  I can recommend Ragu Spicy.  Pick out the massive bits of un-chopped tomato.  What the hells with them things anyway?

13. Stir the whole creation a few times on a low heat.  A high heat burns the crap out of the stuff at the bottom.  Heat for a bit then spoon half of it onto a plate.  Leave the other half to cool to provide meal tomorrow at work. 

14. Crack open a beer and eat other half.  Have water on standby.

15. Enjoy!
More super recipes to follow, including ones using home grown chillies (not quite ready yet)

Ellie is back with Lotus today, having a few niggling things looked at while its still under warrenty.  I’ve taken it to Castle Lotus in Stansted, the main dealer for my area and the same people who expertly found and fixed the throttle problem I had when I got the car.  This is a cool garage though, its a main dealer for Lotus, TVR and Noble.  They had some stunners on the forecourt this morning, gorgeous M12 all polished up, engine bay open for all to perv at.  So I book the car in and ask for a courtesy car, eagerly waiting to see what it is I will get.

What I got was a Suzuki Ignis.  No shit.  To people who don’t know cars, this pile of junk makes old skool Lada’s look good.  Heres a picture so you can see just how fucking rubbish it is.  Click me.  What a fucking joke.

To give you an idea, although this car is only 5 years old its actually more primative than the mini.  No electric anythings in it, not even windows or central locking.  They obviously built it for the left-hand drive market and when making a RHD version, they didnt swap anything over other than the seat so the indicators and wiper controls are the wrong side and back to front.  Every time i indicated left I actually put the wipers on, smearing 5 years worth of fly corpse across the windscreen.  I tried spraying some windscreen cleaner.  Nothing came out.

I’m not sure if they even make this thing anymore, but folks, be warned. Don’t buy one.  Simple.

As you can see the old blog is back. Why? Because I decided the new one was too much effort to set up, plus I kinda missed not having the history of previous rantings. So here we are.  As for all the bullshit spam, instead I have just disabled comments. Shame really.  Ideally I need to update the software but again, that takes effort, and I really can’t be bothered.

So there you have it folks.  I have some ramblings that I have written outside of having a blog, I’ll post them if I can work out how to post old blogs easily.  I’ll also attempt to keep this bad boy updated.

Love to all - Gary

A quick one, the stag do was awesome. White water rafting was especially good. Shouts to all the guys on there, but the biggest shout goes to Steve (Sttteeeeeevveeee), Jon’s Dad who proved an absolute legend. If I’m that cool when I’m his age, life has been kind.  However now I am skint, shattered and behind on work.  Bollocks.

There is an explanation.  Unfortunately it’s not as cool as staying up partying hard all night, rocking back to my pad in the early hours where more drinking took place. Oh no.  I am wide awake, in a shit hole hotel in Wales.

I am in a hotel called the Dolphin, slap bang in the middle of Swansea town centre.  And its best to say, I’ve not had a very good experience of it.  I was semi concerned when I rolled up yesterday afternoon and I was in the shadow of a crumbling building with “The Dolhin” (note no ‘P’) on the side. This place looks like it should be in some abandoned Russian town or something.   The receptionist shows me to the lift, but i’ll tell you one thing for free, there’s no fucking way I was getting in that lift again.  This thing was creaking and groaning, I swear I heard a cable break!

Walking the corridors was like being in the Titanic or something.  I bet this place was real glamorous about 50 years ago.  There are faded brass plaques saying “Ladies powdering room this way” and “Gentlemen’s smoking room that way”.  The carpets are that deep red that you get in most shitty hotels, though they are heavily faded where 500 generations of pissed off people have trod.  I get to my room and swing open the door with a key that belongs on a pirate movie or in Alkatraz to see a room about the size of me.  I mean no shit, this room is rubbish.  Its not only small, but its also like those rooms you see in films about the Ghetto (I’m humming Elvis right now).

However, after that waffling picture painting intro, the reason why I am up so early is because two  fuckwits decided to smash the living hell out of their room above me at about 5am.  I called security after about half hour as there was definitely furniture being broken.  I mean this dude was seriously angry!  I heard security knock, the guy gave him some lip and that was that.  Until about 10 mins later when it all kicked off again.  Thats when I got up.

I really could go on about how shit it is but I’m bored, it took me half hour just to get heat into the shower (which was more like a high up tap at an angle) so i think its time for me to go and sample the breakfast.  If I die of food poisoning (very possible) I would like my money to go into making sure this place gets torn down.

What am I doing in Wales?  I was supporting an F3 team at Pembrey race circuit, a place really in the arse end of nowhere.  It was funny really, I got to the track after my Sat Nav sent me the single track scenic route (it has a habbit of doing that, see other blogs) to a big bored saying “Welcome to Pembrey race track, the home of Welsh Motorsport) in the same way as it does at Silverstone.  However, unlike the masses of buildings and infrastructure at Silverstone, all there is here is a bungalow that I had to report to.  It turned out to be some old granny and her dog’s house.  A bit further there is a toothless marshal and after that, a pit lane that was basically a 100m square slab of tarmac in the middle of a field.  I dread to think what other Welsh circuits are like.  Next stop, North Wales, for Jon’s stag do.  However I’ll probably be asleep by 9pm because I’m truely shattered.  Out.

I’ve just got back from Porto in Portugal, out there supporting World Touring Cars.   Was a good few days, lovely 5 star hotel!  Porto is a bit of a hole though.  Yeah there are some nice bits, but we strayed from the beaten path only slightly and passed gangster dudes huddled round a burnt out van with bullet holes in.  Nice.  Along the front where the Port brewery buildings are is nice, but if you look on the other side of the bridge across the river, its right into Shanty town.  When I get a spare second I’ll try and get some photos up.